Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize