My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
