She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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