he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize