Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
