Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
