Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
