I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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