Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
