Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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