He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
