I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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