never play flip cup with pint glasses
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
