Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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