what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
