Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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