I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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