I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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