I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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