So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize