Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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