I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
