I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
