the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
