some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
