Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
