can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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