I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
