who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
