Swine flu. Run for my life!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
