shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
