i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
