Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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