Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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