I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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