i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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