If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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