Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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