he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
