drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
