she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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