No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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