your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
