That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
