My hand turned me down
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
even my farts smell like vagina
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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