dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
All I want is dick and wine.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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