I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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