Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
