so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
