How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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