I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
