So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
