If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if only i could text you this smell
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
