and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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