how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
