I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
