Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
