That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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