He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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