i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She's the barista slut.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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