College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
