Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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