peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
