i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
