So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
