I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
