apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The uberlube is also flammable
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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