You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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