There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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