Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
